Connection Creates A Safe Space

I believe there are no amount of courses, workshops or qualifications which will give the same level of understanding as lived experience.  This has been so evident in the case of Bella.

Before I started working one-to-one with Bella, I supported her parents as she became unable to access mainstream education and started the journey to gaining a formal diagnosis of Autism with a PDA profile.  The ability to book in for a quick call gave Bella’s parents the opportunity to “ask the most quirkiest and bizarre questions”.  Although, none of the questions seemed odd to me.  The explanations I have of Bell’s response to situations seemed perfectly logical to me.  I could see things though Bell’s eyes, but could then articulate these things in a way she as not able to do yet.

Bella was struggling hugely with ‘tomorrow’.  Each night she would ask what they were going tomorrow and if there was nothing planned, her parents would answer ‘nothing’.  This would then be followed by a meltdown.  When I was asked if I had any insight into this, I simply answered doesn’t mean anything.  You are doing something.  You’re watching TV, doing some baking, playing on the trampoline, taking Beanie for a walk.  You see this as a chillout day of doing nothing.  But when you say nothing to Bella, she sees a day sitting.  That’s it.  Nothing else is happening.

Such a small shift in understanding how Bella’s brain is wired has had an enormous impact on bedtime.  Suddenly the anxiety of what tomorrow would look like was hugely reduced.

These are not questions which can be asked of a school or a health professional.  Yet it is the answers to questions like this, which have the ability to change day-to-day life.

As I began one-to-one support work with Bella, we built a relationship around a love of crafting.  I taught Bella to cross-stitch and through this we are able to chat about the ups and downs of everyday life.  We introduced decision making in seemingly trivial things, such as the colour of thread to use for the unicorn’s mane.  This gave Bella ownership without the pressure of too much demand.